Know Thyself

I have come to realise, through introspection and meditation, that I have two gifts which stand out: firstly, my intensity/passion/drive/anger/determination (yes they are all the same thing). I like engaging in things that are of high intensity, things that are serious, or if not serious, then wholeheartedly frivolous. I have never been one for small talk, petty conversation, half-hearted jobs, etc. In other words, I don't like doing things for the sake of doing things. Even with things I supposedly love like music and philosophy, I only like them when they're good. I'm not a guy who can sit through crap music and appreciate it because it's "different"; I'm not someone who can sit around discussing meaningless question like "what is the nature of love?" and not expect an answer. I love music because of its ability to move me, and if it doesn't, I don't want to know it. I love philosophy for it's ability to access truth, and if it doesn't, I don't want to know it.

My other gift is that of truth-telling or access to truth. I was a bit of a kid prodigy when I was younger - I taught myself to read when I was 3 years old, I skipped a class at school, and various other scholastic achievements. When I got to high school the external achievements faded off a bit (a lot), but I always felt that I saw things and understood things that others didn't. In the experience I've had with teaching, I've found myself to be very good at providing clarity on problem points. Basically, then, I believe all these things are manifestations of the same gift: that of "truth-telling" or "truth-accessing". Many other people have ambition in other areas, in particular sex, money and power, but I have never really been strongly motivated by either. I have always had, however, this gnawing and relentless need to discover what is at the bottom of things, and to resolve the inconsistencies and problems that are at the surface.